To fool people is assolery. To fool yourself is thievery. Of the former, the world reeks. The latter is what prompted this essay. When you fool yourself, you rob yourself of the truth. It's the beginning of everything from cults to superstitions. You may have steered clear of grand crap-canoes like those, but there's something … Continue reading Fooled by certainty
Freedom is a light at the end of the dark, dingy tunnel that is our lives. Human affliction is the ceaseless need to get to the light. The few that make it wet their pants, lose their purpose and fall into bottomless lunacy. They run back into the tunnel -- back into the habitual darkness. Because … Continue reading Freedom from you
I love analogies. Like home food. I think analogies tell the deepest truth. Like the sea. I think we don’t listen. Like not me. I listen. I heard you for 5 mins and now you hear me. Like mom not letting me eat chocolate today cze I had ice cream. Like Socratic reasoning. I wish … Continue reading Life is like analogy
Hoe: Hey fatty. Boo: I am not fat. Hoe: I hope you slip on a banana peel covered in egg yolk the next time you are late for something. I hope you are wearing your new suit and carrying hot coffee. Boo: Why would you hope that? Hoe: Cze you are fat. Insults, rudeness, mindless … Continue reading Too stupid to insult
At 8:12 PM on June 24, 2015, Katy Kapeland's flight touched down at the Heathrow international airport. She was looking forward to a two-week vacation with her family in London. As the flight announcement putting an end of people's constipation, permitting the use of mobile phones came on, Katy pulled out her phone, and it … Continue reading How to disagree
The condition that was once an inability to read/write has (almost) been wiped out. Two hundred years ago, the literacy rate was 15%. Now, the illiteracy rate is 15%. With that about-face, the definition of what it means to be illiterate has changed. Illiteracy (n)(21st century): illness caused by too much literacy. The new illiteracy is the ability … Continue reading Being illiterate
Everyone knows Rich. At least according to Rich. Everywhere Rich goes, people queue up to get a glimpse of him. They indulge in acrobatic acts of servility to get his attention. Rich's favorite hobby is to look for people that aren't giving him attention and scream the words "do you know who I am?" into their … Continue reading No one knows who you are
The average human lifespan is 650,000 hours. We are awake for about 450,000 of them. You know how the rest of this goes. After stripping away the hours you spend peeling a pomegranate, checking yourself out on anything remotely reflective, deciding which TV show is really worth watching for the third time to reigning over the banana republic … Continue reading Shortness of breath
Dream big is the gray-haired, toothless tagline for success. The successful people that bellow those words into our eager faces rarely tell us what to do when our dreams come true. Because no one has a clue. Having no clue is the one thing you can't admit when you are successful. People will figure you lucked … Continue reading Does it come in black?
Moody people piss me off. And the fact that I am one of those people calms me down. Moodiness is like the sweet pudgy uncle from childhood. Uncle brings you all the affection. He brings you food to play with and toys to eat. You grow up a little and he becomes your child-service helpline … Continue reading On and of(f) moodiness.