There's a GPS-based superstition in my cult. When someone's heading out, you are forbidden from asking them where they are going. It brings them bad luck. I was 8 and a bedwetter when Grandma told me this. She looked at me like I was a serial killer every time I asked the question, so I … Continue reading Where are you going?
Everything sucks. The Wi-Fi.The Weather.The Phone.The Food.The Job.The Joint.The Music.The Mankind.This Alliteration.That Alligator. All right. I feel better. Let's get started. There was a time not long back when we all went apeshit over positive thinking. You know the time when we all pretended not to notice Rimy was sad, and when she started crying, … Continue reading Cry babies
What if you had all the money in the world? All the love. The fame. Power. Besides getting a penis extension and a face tattoo, what else would you do? Most of us have the same usual crap bucket: Travel the world, cure a disease, and tell everyone how to live their lives. You can … Continue reading What if
There are two types of people in the world... The one type believes writer's block is real and that there are days when you can't put a single word on the page because you have forgotten how to write and may never write again and you make yourself feel better by imagining how dying alone … Continue reading Writer’s block
It is the best of times it is the worst of times it is therefore the most confusing of times. Today is the future. Today is the past. Today is evil. When you are on a long vacation from reason, how does it matter what day it is? It's always today. To pay attention now, … Continue reading The today show
I have never been scared of running out of ideas. And that scares me. My ideas all tend to be problems. My writing and my problems share a co-dependency that borders on creative masochism, where the ability to write depends on how flawed I am, and writing becomes a virtue-signaling exercise in feeling better about … Continue reading How to come up with idiotic ideas
Every kid gets a nickname. Mine was Failure. For thirteen years, my greatest achievement was not failing grades 1-7. I came real close each year. Which is why the name made no sense. I never actually failed. In the last few years, people who found success came out with a singular motivating spiel: the choices that … Continue reading Failure
Jerks. They have an assole aura about them no one quite understands. Is it their childhood? Are they just having a bad day, for like the six-thousandth day in a row? Or maybe it's something exclusively annoying about your face. Say what you will about them, behaviour science's radical right know how to bring out … Continue reading How to become a jerk
We all want to be useful. But we don't want to be used. So being useful becomes a balance between being helpful and being a pain in the ass. At the outset, to be useful sounds like a noble existential goal, but something about it sounds disturbing. Because what exactly does being useful mean? The … Continue reading User manual
Welcome to this step-by-step guide to finding your passion. I have put in a lot of research, so let’s dive right in. Step 1: You are an idiot. Step 2: I can’t believe you still fall for stuff like this. Step 3: Anyway, now that you are here, let me give at least throw in … Continue reading The twenty step guide to finding your passion
