Bro, what happened?

Should we get the formalities out first? How are you? Everyone at home okay? That’s kinda it, right? One more? Have you eaten? Shall we move on to less shallow, um, matters now? How old are you? What are you reading? Are you afraid of imaginary people? Do you believe in God? Are you desperate? Does the word Fuck bother you? Did you know fork is pronounced fuck? Are you in love? Are your parents cool? Are you a butterfly’s dream? Are you a fanatic? Are people afraid of you? Do you decide how much to eat based on whether or not you took a dump in the morning? Is your current identity a composite of the last three criticisms and the one flattery you heard about yourself? Do people call you the wrong name? Do you look at married people and go, how are you not seeing what I am seeing? Do you always get some pee on your hands or are you the more careful? Does emptying the recycle bin on your computer feel like an accomplishment? Aren’t there too many people in the world? Too soon? Are you reading this? Didn’t we share something special? Now, now are you fucking insane? Do you think America was once cool the same way Elvis was cool, and is now entering the Elvis Od-ing on the toilet phase? How often do you find yourself asking, did a cow take a shit inside my shoes? Should we replace happily ever after with, they tried? Do you consider yourself an artist? Are you busy? Was the dress blue and black or white and gold? How much money is too enough money to determine someone must be really sad? Do you have a speech impediment in the face of death, and sex? Who are you with your eyes closed? Is Twitter a baby monitor? How many times have you smiled at someone and they haven’t :)ed back? Have you tried to quit? Are you waiting, too? Did you know you could leave books halfway? Trick or treat? How often do you, you know? When was the last time you winked at a girl? Did you know the number of times you use the word hygiene is inversely proportional to your total lifespan? Why do free t-shirts feel the most comfortable? Does the baby look like her mom or dad? Do we all need to go back to talking about the weather again? If you could be invisible for a day, would you take yourself seriously? Did you turn off the gas? When people begin their sentences with, to be candid, why is what follows always something shitty? Is your genitalia your thinking mechanism? Do you know Hitler woke up at Brahmamuhurta? Do you find yourself becoming the very things you once mocked? Are you sure you are alive? Okay? Happy?