To feel light
To risk tourism
To not know where to look
To learn small sounds
To stockpile wonder
To walk infinitely
To close out dead-ends
To grieve your shoes
To disorient
To eat in reclusion
To grow daze-faced
To get sun-drenched
To go moon-mad
To suspect yourself
To mock meaning
To do dumb shit
To determine, habitually, if you should’ve stayed home
To laugh at an eavesdropped joke
To miss love
To calculate money
To be slapped by beauty
To befriend sleep
To chase empty benches
To read, the only thing you’ll read that day, engraved into a little plate on a bench’s backrest
To Emma: “Beyond the ideas of right and wrong there is a field. We’ll meet you there.”
To their daughter, 2015-2018, Emma
To renounce God
To recognize God
To believe God
To know God
To be laughed at
To be smiled at
To be stared at
To be left at
To love like that, how?
To trust like that, how?
To not meet again, how?
To miss everyone.
To lay
To cry, because what else
To bring out the notebook
To write, because what else
To not ask
To ask yourself why you did not ask
To ask
To ask and hope they don’t know
To return
To leave
To Travel
Meditations 