I have never painted but if I did, today, I am going to pull on the white linen shirt I have been saving up for mid-life prom, gather up all the colors in the paintbox and pour them into a bucket, dip my hand—elbow and all—stir the contents; lift the bucket and throw the mixture … Continue reading You complete me
Where do you get your ideas? In the AA meeting for artists, that's the first question. Like all the people who have attempted to answer the question before, I will go into a brief but angry existential crisis. "I get my ideas from, from everyone; Everything; All around; Life—man, get it? Ugh, so much shit … Continue reading One to Zero
Zen Meditation Loving Kindness Meditation Chakra Meditation Mantra meditation Mindfulness meditation Breath awareness meditation Transcendental Meditation
Begin a PowerPoint presentation with a Hitler quote.Write an essay titled "Fucking".Fall off a surfboard. Give away balloons.Go shopping and buy shit without looking at the price.Stop someone in a hurry and tell them everyone's going to die someday.Give the finger to anyone (preferably a kid) looking out through the car's sunroof.Sit down next to … Continue reading New year resolutions
Cooking with its therapeutic unbuttoning of tightly drawn days. And art—with its anything but. And art—when understanding fails. And art—for you need a little madness. A dash, a pinch, a spill. Madness makes art pure. It can't be learned. Can't be taught. It's a dissolution of everything you never knew. Making art is the what-happens-after-death … Continue reading Fever
"What are you trying to say?" The 'are you a virgin?' equivalent of art, and the second most frequently asked question to the writer of this blog. The first, being, are you a virgin? Making art just to send out a message is like calling yourself a feminist just to get laid. It works, but … Continue reading In conclusion
The pursuit of happiness Simplicity "Oh shit." - God Death by purification Man's search for meaning They/them
To look not for something, but simply look.To love and not love particularly.To be and not let becoming come in the way. To write and not seek.To seek and not know.To know and let go. To sing and feel.To feel and fall.To fall and lay. To celebrate silence.To simplify faith.To experience surrender.
(Welcome to Room 12 of what's turning out to be one bizarre attempt at taking the subjectivity of art to the brink.) Does God exist? Do I have free will? Who am I? What's the point of it all? Can money bring happiness? What is Truth? Am I fat? What happens after death?
Something about this almost feels right. It wasn't like this always—not at least for the last hour. I was free then. Unsure of myself. Unsure what to write. Unsure if I will ever write again. With every minute, the surety of my failure felt more and more complete. But here we are. My securing myself … Continue reading Agony and Ecstacy
Meditations 