It constantly feels like someone is looking at me. (Bah) It feels like I am being followed, by me. (Example of "being" sinking a sentence) I believe in ghosts because I believe in myself. (WTF?) I am doing secondary research on my life. (Solipsism okay, abstraction exaggerated) I have been radio activated by the Hawthorne … Continue reading Writing, conceptually
Yo mama so fatYou are so fat, thank goodness you are tall.People with a double chin shouldn't feel shy.Do you know what the fat guy does to wake up in 30 minutes? He orders a Pizza.What do you call a cute baby? Cutie. What do you call a fat baby? Cutie pie. She told me … Continue reading Jokes – 2
A haiku is a poetic form of 17 syllables arranged in three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Bullshit What the litshit sortis a haiku? Bitchplease nowwhat's a syllable?Something 'bout vowelsWhat am I, Shakespeare's bitch?I ain't counting sound.Introducing *cough*online syllable counteraeiou, dickheads.Extraversion Social life: Is thatthe one where you live in hopeof shagging strangers? … Continue reading This sentence has seventeen syllables. Nope. Now? Nope. Now? Nope. Snake. Now?
How could you be happy when we produce 400 million tonnes of plastic waste every year? Give me something raw and repulsive. Give me something that can keep me in a state of rage for a bare minimum of three days. Give this to me in the name of higher-order truth, by which I mean, … Continue reading How to win an election
Hello, children. Obviously, you are not reading this. You have more important things to do, like licking the doorknob or applying hand sanitizer on your face. I don't intend at all to disturb your living-life-on-the-edge schedule, but, then, you are our only hope. Not hope in the I-will-live-my-life-through-you (it's called vicarious, but it will be … Continue reading How to break an adult? A children’s guide
While my co-passenger ate a white-bread sandwich, watched a movie on his phone, went on to play tennis on said phone, took a nap, read the instructions on the flight's barf-bag, and performed an act of purification by vigorously rubbing his phone on either side of his chest, I sat staring into the existential paleness of … Continue reading I screen you screen we are screen for eye scream
What I have so far: Prosaic nauseate that's sat in a document for 1-24 months/the first draft.1. This is unsalvageable. Is this what doomsday feels like?2. Let me begin by throwing in some words that make it sound like this essay is both distant from and yet proximally wreathed in the hoi polloi whose bullshit … Continue reading My 13-step editing process
It means you roll over the bed probing the position you feel the least amount of pain and in that internal search for stomach-centered meaninglessness, you lose sleep and get up feeling cranky, and then your mum asks you why you have been in the toilet for so long. Have a good day. It means … Continue reading What it means to have a stomach ache
Hand towels + DishclothBulbsShoe standDish strainer / Dish MatTool Box (Screws for chairs)BowlsContainers Grater Water mud pot Oil canister
Do you want to run away? From places, people, and then, unenviably, whateverly, from yourself? Read on, dove; like, duh. Freedom had a great run. For millennia, it was into restoring hope and nurturing life. As goals go: hairy. And then freedom became about calling someone a fag. Letdown, it od'd on conservative idiocy and … Continue reading How to escape prison
Meditations 