"Don't worry" is the empathy of dipshits. You may as well tell people, I don't care about you, but I need to say something to pretend I do. "Don't worry.""I am not worried.""It's okay to pee under the shower.""I don't pee under the shower, that's disgusting, what made you say that, ew, who does that?""Don't … Continue reading Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata

From playing the Banjo to writing non-fiction erotica to raising your kids religious, you can learn how to do any of it in under hundred bucks. Although if you want to learn all three, you need to buy my course: making a murderer. The Internet is a fat-fatigue of information. The assembly of yottabytes along … Continue reading Let me answer your question with another question

It is the best of times it is the worst of times it is therefore the most confusing of times. Today is the future. Today is the past. Today is evil. When you are on a long vacation from reason, how does it matter what day it is? It's always today. To pay attention now, … Continue reading The today show

Today, I am going to tell you everything. My darkest secrets. About my childhood. My relationships. And how I am KUWTK. I know you are dealing with a lot, so I thought hearing about my struggles will motivate you. Which brings me to secret #1: I really don’t care about your struggles, I am baring … Continue reading Naked

Human potential is a weird thing. Together, we’ve pulled off the perfect conspiracy theory. The idea that the guy walking on the moon is 99% chimp is a thought that needs you to be on a forest of weed, minimum. Of course, since no guy walked the moon, he can’t be a chimp and is, … Continue reading Ubermench

Whether you are into myths or not, you've surely heard about this dude, Sisyphus. He invented trekking. He was also a king. And like most kings, he was a dick. He managed to do the only thing you should avoid if find yourself in a Greek mythology: he pissed off the Gods. So the Gods … Continue reading The labour of inspiration

Let me tell you a story about storytelling.  There was this century. Not some King. Not some random ass kid -- none of that bullshit. A whole period. Once upon a freakin century. It was rough: the catastrophic progress, the mental gentrification, and dial-up Internet. The A-listers of the time were fools, dictators, and psychopaths. … Continue reading Stories

You know how everything's dual and stuff? Life's got death. Known's got unknown. Light's got darkness. I have this girlfriend. We see dualities cracking up all around us. For every sensitive human making the world better, there's a shithead making life difficult for everyone. For the angelic truth-teller, there's the lying devil. For an Einstein … Continue reading The middle path

What's a good point to run out of patience? Bad question. Who is a good point to run out of patience? There's a kind of question that brings Wren & Martin out of the closet. Our patience levels differ measurably by people. Kids are the undisputed champions of patience tests. You have this rage building … Continue reading Wait man — Or the tireless virtue of patience

"Other people are hell." I didn't say that. Existential perfumer Jean-Paul Sartre did. I share the deep sentiment though. As an introvert, the ideology that hell is other people is my core value. But as far as core values go it's as deep as -- I only use a mac. Whether you like it or … Continue reading How to stop other people from caring about what you think